Just me and my brain

As I’ve been trying to reduce mindless consumption, some boredom has definitely come up. I’m not even sure it’s boredom – restlessness maybe? I was in the house alone yesterday and had about 30 minutes of downtime. I hated the silence in the house. Normally I just turn on the TV for some background noise. I just kind of sat there checking – gasp – the weather app on my phone?! It was as if my hand had a mind of its own and just wanted to entertain me with something (anything, apparently). It’s really hard for me to just hang out with my brain, in silence, with nothing else to distract me.

Why is that?? I used to love hanging out with my brain! When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to crawl into bed at night and imagine all sorts of fun scenarios until I gently drifted off to sleep. Now I have to shove a podcast in my ears at night so I don’t think of anything (like even how I’m not asleep yet) until I fall asleep. I want to get comfortable being alone with my brain again. Not just comfortable, but excited like I used to be. I have two hypotheses about what’s going on…

First possibility, I’ve just gotten so used to constant, on-demand stimulation that it feels uncomfortable to be without it now. Second possibility, life has become more stressful over time so my thoughts tend to go to darker places than they used to. It’s probably some mix of the two. So tomorrow, I’m throwing a new challenge at myself: a 30-minute walk with no podcasts, music, or phone calls. Just me and my brain having a little date. I’ll let you know how it goes!