F&*k Covid

I’m not sure if this really fits with the theme of this blog, but here goes. Yesterday was an awesome day! For the first time in over 2 years, my brother and sister-in-law had us into their house unmasked for my parents’ joint birthday party. It felt exactly like old times. The kids were playing together and the adults sat around talking, eating, and laughing. I didn’t even realize how much I missed being with my whole family. My sister-in-law is immunocompromised so they’ve had to be extra cautious about covid.

I’m not immunocompromised (that I know of), but I have also been living in total fear of me or my family getting covid. I’ve always had some health anxiety and covid really ramped that up. I see all these people around me going back to somewhat normal lives, but I’ve still been shutting myself in and isolating. I’m so tired of being scared of other people. I’m an introvert, but this is too much for even me. Okay, so this actually does tie into the theme. I think I’ve been leaning on other forms of instant gratification (mainly numbing out with snacks and TV) to fill in the void. Having no social life for the past couple years has not been good for my mental health.

Let me give a quick example. My husband and I went to a wedding in California a few months back. Normally, this would have been a fabulous weekend. We love dancing at weddings and it was in a beautiful setting with fun friends. However, we were basically the only ones masked up and we left early because we felt so uncomfortable and disconnected from the people around us. Everyone else just took the risk and enjoyed themselves.

At the time, I thought that they were all ridiculous and ignorant. I’m now realizing that they simply weren’t willing to pay the price that I was to avoid covid. Now I’m starting to get to that same place. This price is getting too high. I just want to go back to some sense of normalcy. No amount of TV, snacks, social media, or any other quick dopamine hit is going to fill the void of not having a life. I’m ready to get back to life.